Authenticity at Work: Is it Possible?
Struggling to be the badass b*tch I know I am in the hierachical patriarchy of corporate America.
How often do we, as women, not voice our opinions and needs at work because our bosses are stinky men and we already know the outcome?
As an IT employee, I am definitely not what people are expecting when I walk into a room to fix someone’s software issue. This is gratifying in a lot of ways (break the norms, baby), but I find myself struggling to channel my inner badass when it comes to simply requesting basic needs and sharing my insight on projects that will affect me.
Why is it that I enjoy being intimidating to men who assume I’m a pale, skinny, nerdy dude when they call me, but then I can’t stand up to the men above me in the O-Chart?
I’m constantly feeling like I need to “tone myself down” or “dial it back” to meet the perceptions and requirements that men seem to have of me. Naturally, I am boisterous and sassy, but damn intelligent. I know that I have so much to contribute to necessary conversations, but find myself just straightening my back and pressing my lips together in meetings.
So why the f*ck am I not just being my authentic self when it comes to the names above mine in the O-Chart?!
Last fall, I expanded my one-person team by hiring an employee. Instead of prioritizing technical skills in the hiring process, I focused on finding someone whose values aligned with mine. I lead her with complete authenticity, bringing my true self into both mentorship and the connection we’ve built—one that I hope will inspire her for years to come.
But for some reason, I can’t muster that authenticity to my own leaders..?
Every time I’m on the verge of standing up for myself to my supervisors, the words catch in my throat, and I shut down. I refuse to live in fear of losing my position simply for being my unapologetic self.
I’ve struggled with this issue since I first started at my current organization, so it was time to call in reinforcements. Fortunately, I’m surrounded by a powerful tribe of spiritual, intuitive, witchy women who I turned to for guidance on why I can’t seem to find my voice in a place where I spend more time than my own home. Shoutout to my girls—you know who you are! Thanks to them, I’ve come to some realizations.
The hierarchical patriarchy was built to keep me in my place—to make me question my worth, doubt my voice, and shrink myself to fit into a mold that was never meant to hold me.
Women, especially those of us in STEM, are expected to be seen, not heard. We’re conditioned to believe that keeping the peace is more valuable than making an impact, that challenging ideas makes us difficult, and that offering better solutions makes us a threat.
But I refuse to play by those rules. Staying silent and suppressing my authenticity only upholds the very system designed to hold me back. If I want to see change, I can’t wait for permission. I have to be the one to spark it.
No one is coming to save me, to uplift me, or to grant me space at the table. But I don’t need them to. I am divine femininity, powerful and unapologetic. I don’t wait to be served—I serve my damn self.
So, baddies—be bold, be unapologetic, be your fiercest, truest self. I see you, and I stand with you.
My old dean of marketing at one of my schools gave me a tip, that at the time angered me, but long term it's a good exercise. If you want to say something to a teacher, write it down first, then decide if you want to say it or not. That was what she told me in a nutshell, because I was the student that made folks cry in debate class, and a teacher or two may have quit because of the immovable object/unstoppable force thing that can happen to us all from time to time. Anyways, writing down what you want to say to the hierarchal patriarchy may give you a boost of.... some sort of ninja, spy power? Hopefully.